Hey everyone.
I'm going to be going on yet another hiatus for the sake of my mental health. I'm hurting over shit I did to myself again. I thought I had mentally moved on, but I was wrong. My chest hurts, and I feel like crying. I genuinely want to be able to fully get over my FP and hopefully be able to go on with my life. I have to allow myself to feel bad about it rather than try to repress it. I'm not gonna blame it on my BPD, and instead, I have to take full accountability for everything. I was too pushy and constantly messaged him and was worried about whether or not he was okay and was just too emotionally dependent and attached to him overall. While I've gotten better about it all, I still feel like I'm a far way's off from fully being over what I've done. I still feel awful about it. I still feel like a massive piece of shit over it. I genuinely need to find a consistent source of therapy. The therapy at my college has been helpful, but I want something consistent and long term. I want and need to be better, and part of that means that I need to acknowledge that I have a problem. Going into the new year, don't expect me to be active much, if at all.